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This was inspired by my discussion on Twitter with Angelina Pratt about the pros and cons of being an only child versus being a child growing up in a family with many children.
I was an only child for 6 years until my brother finally arrived. My grandparents lived with us, so I was the only child living with 4 adults. The children in the neighborhood were mostly older than me and there were not many anyway. I liked the adult ways, because they mostly played along with me and tried to make me feel comfortable. Kindergarten was a shock. I found myself to be unable to cope with “equals”.
The other children didn’t humor my moods as the adults did – which made me feel very insecure. I didn’t know this. A game was being played and I didn’t know the rules. I hated kindergarten and didn’t want to go there. Each and every morning I made a big scene with shouting and crying at the kindergarten door – which didn’t really do my reputation there any good.
My parents attributed my difficulties to my lacking exposure to children of my age. Their hope was I would eventually master kindergarten, like it and become a kindergarten-kid like most of the others. I never did. I hated it from the first moment to the very last. 3 years – which is a long time for a child. Then came school, which I liked a little better, because most of the time the teachers defined what was going on and I had to cope with same-olds only during the breaks. Those breaks were short enough that I finally started to like them. I finally learned to be with other children.
Like most children I was bashed and picked on, but found a way to bash and pick on others myself. And sometimes there even was friendship. And then there were gangs. I eventually made it into Eddy’s gang which protected me from the dangers of the schoolyard and even on my way home – if I obeyed the rules and stayed “cool”, wearing the right shoes, talking to the right people and of course: standing up for the gang.
The days when “the other children” were my equals are long gone. But difficulties to socialize and to connect with others are a thread that runs through my life up to this very day.